It seems that every one of us suffered at the hands of the 'Beast from the East' and while the rest of the country attempted to deal with knee deep snow, bitterly cold winds and travel disruption, most of the south west of Scotland remained relatively snow free. Yes, we've had some and if you drive to Newton Stewart (7 miles away) and go into the hills (a few miles further north), there is much evidence of heavy snow fall - but the hills seemed to stop it from going much further.
I've spoken of the wind and because we're out west it seems to blow a hoolie more often than not, predominantly from the west off the Atlantic and Irish sea. With a south-east facing back garden (despite the constant flooding), it's sheltered from the wind on most sides, which is why there were so many plants thriving in it that would struggle further south - we do have a kind of micro-climate here.
Tuesday was horrid; howling easterly winds that seemed to tear at any exposed skin like a rusty rasp. Travelling back from the beach that afternoon, thawing out in the car with all heaters on the go and still wearing our hats, I offered the fact that it was going to be the following day when we'd really understand why the weathermen were concerned.
I reckoned Wednesday was pretty much the coldest day I could remember for a long time. Despite dressing up like Scott of the Antarctic nothing seemed to stop the teeth from infiltrating my attire. The windchill was about -12, the temperature gauge in the car read -1 and even the sea had frozen around the edges of Garlieston beach. It wasn't, by any stretch of the imagination, the bleakest day we've had on the beach, but being buffeted about by 40mph winds blowing directly off of Siberia's arse was actually painful.
Newton had some snow that evening; almost a centimetre and we kept seeing flurries of icing sugar snow blow everywhere, forming drifts up to 3cm deep by the kerbs. We were getting all the cold but fortunately none of the white stuff that by this time was crippling parts of country and seeing the first RED warnings from the met office, for snow, for years. The weather forecast, which said the worst of it would be that day, now extended that worst day into Thursday, but with an even higher windchill!
By Thursday, our friends were suffering from the big freeze, even up here. Boilers breaking, pipes freezing and despite us being pretty much unaffected by the snow, everywhere to the north and east of us was horrendous. Oh and the wind was vile. If Wednesday had been memorable, Thursday pissed on it from a few feet higher up. We decided to use our brains and we headed for the east side of Garlieston beach, it has a big hill behind it, covered in trees, which acted as a form of natural windbreak. In a moment of weirdness, I felt like I'd overdressed. The temp was still sub-zero, but out of the wind it almost felt like simply a cold winter's day, but once I ventured further down the beach, out of the shade and into the wind, it was like being knifed with razors pulled straight from a vat of liquid nitrogen.
We got home; shut all the doors, closed the curtains and realised that while our house is pretty well insulated even in this kind of weather it's difficult to take the chill out of the air, even in the house. The wife got on with her little part time job and I wrapped myself around an electric fire trying to feel the end of my nose. Then, without much warning, there was an almighty CRACK! The wife called me out to the sun room and we were greeted with one of our fence panels laying on the patio, the post having sheared off because of the now 50mph+ gusts of wind. We both agreed it was something we'd worry about on Friday, but then both realised we were going to the pub quiz that evening and Doug would easily jump the wall, be in next door's garden, without anyway of getting back in - because the retaining wall on our side is three feet high, but five feet on the neighbour's side. They also have a four foot wall running down the other side and a six foot fence at the end of their garden... If he got over there, we'd struggle to get him out.
We decided we needed to try and fix the fence, in a fucking gale throwing needles and pins at us...
Necessity is the mother of invention and without the adequate tools or wood and the broken post in an extremely awkward place that required an ambidexterity I wasn't aware I had, we managed to re-fix the post using a wooden brace, gate hinges and brute force. The problems began when we had to slide the fence panel (only 2'x2' but a large flat surface) into the metal catches.
Now, I need to remind regular readers and inform anyone venturing in for the first time that I've struggled since the beginning of January with a slipped disc, caused mainly by the fact I've become a sedentary fat bastard and have let my exercise slip and those same reasons for it happening have been the main reason for my unusually slow recovery. A key issue about hurting your back is you compensate and as a result you end up pulling muscles in other parts of your back, especially when you begin to do things that are a little more physical; so I've been in a little vicious circle of giving myself minor twinges and injuries as a result of trying not to hurt my lower back. I'm also fat. Not obese, but rotund around the midriff.
Anyhow, here comes the inconsequential sub plot...
I've noticed a kid round these parts; a little fat kid who seems to struggle to hang around with the other kids. Since we've moved here we've been quite pleased to see the kids play outside, but this kid, we'll call him Dee, appeared to be the one who everyone dared to do things because he would do stupid things to curry favour with them. As the months have gone on, it's clear he spends a lot of time outside, alone, and he seems utterly immune to the cold. It is also clear that fewer of the other kids have anything to do with him; you can imagine their parents saying, 'I dusnae want yers hanging aroond with that Dee, he's a wrong'un.'
There was obviously no school on Thursday and sensibly none of the other kids around here were outside, but Dee was. Over the space of an hour, I'd watched him run across the back of my garden; sit on the wall surrounding my neighbour's garden, throwing stones at their shed and then jumping off the roof of another shed in his own back garden. I found this a bit disconcerting until I later discovered there was a big trampoline next to the shed and he was jumping onto that. He was obviously bored, so when it came to sliding the fence panel he took up a spot on a nearby wall and watched us as we attempted to guide the panel into the slots. With the wind howling from the east, straight into our faces, it was no wonder it didn't fit into the slots properly; it jammed and the only thing for it was for me to take a hammer round to the neighbour's garden and try and unjam it without causing any damage to the fence panel.
Our neighbour's is being saved as a retirement home for the people who own it and live elsewhere. It is managed daily and there are gardeners and handymen always updating and upkeeping the place. If I had the money I'd like to buy it and turn my house into one big house, with one huge garden... Our neighbour's garden has a four foot wall running down its east side and double gates that are chained and padlocked. The only way for me to gain access would be to climb over the wall.
Now, in my head despite my ailments I'm still 18 and a four foot wall is something I'd simply vault over, but today I was still suffering a little with my back; I was cold, I had several layers of clothing on (a blessing in many ways) and the only way I could safely do the wall was to hoist myself up, swing my legs over and jump down the other side. It was simple in its simplicity.
Did I mention the 50mph+ gusts of wind coming off the hills?
I managed the first half extremely easily. Swung my legs up and was hit by a gust of wind that literally took my breath away and I started to fall sideways. In an incredible moment of clarity, in a millisecond I pulled my outstretched arm away and landed on my hip and back. Had I tried to break my fall, I would have broken my arm. The only thing I really felt was the force of the fall - I was falling onto grass with a thin layer of snow on it. It didn't hurt and despite my shouting OUCH! It was more for effect than anything; the wife couldn't see me so I needed her to know I'd done something. I mean, I could have knocked myself out and she was holding a precariously balanced fence panel in a hoolie.
Dee asked me quietly if I was okay and remarkably I was. I'd spread the fall across a large area of my torso. As I got up I noticed the shed I saw him throwing stones at and it had a large window and there were dents and gouges out of the wood under it. I made a mental note and walked over to the fence and finished the job, while having a laugh at my misfortune. The wife didn't see it, but I painted a suitably comical picture for her to cheer up what was fast becoming a shit day.
As I was finishing and trying to decide how to get out of the neighbour's garden, because there was rocks, gravel and concrete on the other side of the wall, which would do nothing to soften my fall if I fell again. Dee got the neighbour's wheelie bin and turned it on its side, I told him he was a genius and he asked me if I was from Australia. Once introductions and handshakes were done, I was just about to walk away when I turned to him and said, "Dee, you know you were throwing stones at that shed earlier? If you break the window, I'll have to tell the people who own this house it was you; you do understand that, don't you?" He nodded meekly and I told him he was a good lad and to enjoy playing out.
An hour later, just as it was getting dark, someone rang our doorbell and ran away. I managed to get upstairs in time to see Dee running down the neighbouring street, the way kids do, when they've done something wrong. On Friday, I saw him hanging around the BT exchange, I said hello and he waved at me. "Dee, you don't know any kids round here who think its funny to ring doorbells and run away do you?" He shook his head very slowly and said no he didn't. "Okay, no bother, but if you do know someone who does that, tell them if they do it again at my house I'll let the dogs out after them." And gave him a huge cheesy grin.
The next morning, I found a pile of stones outside my front door...
Friday, my hip hurt. I went for a long walk with the dogs and my mate Ian; I did a lot of moaning about my hip and felt he got a laugh out of my misfortune and probably I did him some good as he's been missing his other half who has been 'darn sarf' during all the bad weather.
This morning, I thought I was having a heart attack and realised that it was simply an aching left side of my body. I did some hoovering and other housework because that's how rock and roll my lifestyle is now.
And that was last week... Already it's Tuesday, the weather has warmed up and before you know it I have other things I could write a blog about.
